I love this song. It is one of my absolute favorite songs... Ever. I remember listening to the blue album with my brothers all the time. This song (Before I really understood the lyrics, I am notorious for garbling lyrics) appealed to me. I was out looking for the new Weezer song (Pork and Beans) as it sounds a little bit Cake-ish at the beginning and I enjoy it quite a bit... anyway, after I listened to Pork and Beans, I decided to listen to this one as well. Garage is possibly one of the mellow rockin'est tunes ever.
I was in the car with Scott the other day and I asked him if he really thought I sang well, or if it was BS, and everyone was just saying that to me. He agreed that I had a good voice, but I didn't sound so great singing punk rock male vocals. I don't care though, I"ll continue to sing whatever song I want, Including Garage, and any other great tunes that come along.
In other news, I am dying of a cold. Or allergies. I will have to leave for work early tomorrow JUST so I can get something fizzy for my throat. It's killing me.
back to the song (i just started it replaying. I do that.) this song makes me feel ... at home? I don't know. they are musical genius' I don't think a song has ever made me feel warm and fuzzy like i'm just hanging out in my pj's with a bunch of friends. Like I'm in high School and nothing matters really. I think when people say they miss high School, they mean they miss having no responsibility. Where your biggest concern was the Prom or some test that in the long run doesn't really matter anyway. Friday nights consisted of hanging out at your friends house watching some awesomely bad movie, or drooling over Orlando Bloom, or some other hottie (adjust to your highschool time period)
the biggest concern was "oh noes I'm late for my part time job at the in and out" or whatever.
It just makes me think of easier times.
Derringer Meryl [Late night babblings] Out
2008-04-22 - 12:32 p.m. mom the best word ever An update on my friend. She'll have surgery to remove the baby tomorrow. It sounds as though she'll be keeping her tube which is excellent. Her RE says that it looks like there might be another baby in her Uterus growing. So keep your fingers crossed, and say a little prayer for her ...
In other news:
Happy Birthday Mom!!
It was a friend of Mine's daughter's third birthday today and she wrote of the hard labor (43 hours) and how it was well worth it to see her first daughter born (she had a still birth prior to that) healthy and happy.
I thought of how happy I was when I had Katie, how happy my mom must have been to have me....
and how extremely delighted my Grandmother must have been to have my mom. :) I know that my grandmother would be pleased to see my mom, how excellent of a mother she is. My mom always puts herself LAST. Her children are her number one priority. She loves us all very VERY much, and takes time to help and take care of us all still. She is sweet and loving, and goes out of her way to do whatever she can. She works hard, and has done so much for all of us. There aren't words for how much I love my mom. I'm so glad that she didn't give up on having a girl, and i'm glad she's been there for me, whenever I needed her. She's so great. I love you Mom! You're the best!
Derringer Meryl [There's no other mother like my mother] Out
2008-04-20 - 12:39 a.m. lord make me an instrument :( After 7+ years of infertility a friend of mine (we met online) conceived naturally (without any medical intervention) I was SO excited for her.
I just got the message that she had to go to the ER for horrible pain on her left side. It's an ecoptic pregnancy. :( (For the uneducated, the baby is in her fallopian tube, instead of in her Uterus) I hope she doesn't lose her tube as well. I can't imagine how heart breaking this must be for her.
I pray that she can find some comfort in this difficult time.
Lord make me an instrument of your peace, Where there is hatred let me sow love. Where there is injury, pardon. Where there is doubt, faith. Where there is despair, hope. Where there is darkness, light. And where there is sadness, joy.
O divine master grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; To be loved as to love For it is in giving that we receive- it is in pardoning that we are pardoned. And it's in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen
Derringer Meryl [Light in a Dark Time] Out
2008-04-16 - 4:09 p.m. hiding There are days when outside your window, I see my reflection as I slowly pass And I long for this mirrored perspective....
I wish I could be so eloquent in my turn of phrase.
I have recently discovered that I dislike many of the baby names I've picked out (other than Katherine, I've ALWAYS loved that name) I suppose I just can't have any more kids till I come to something.
I have caught up on reading XXXHolic, as far as it's been translated and released online... I've been trying to read Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles... I'm having a hard time paying attention. So far it's just like the anime, which while interesting... was slow moving... I like how the two intertwine... it's very interesting, and a new idea to me. (well new to my Anime Experiences!)
Did I mention I sit facing a window now. It's nice to see the clouds move over the pretty mountains. It's very calming. If only everyone could have a window desk. Maybe everyone could be mellow.
I sit here listening to the song again. Feeling a bit numb.I can't help but wonder... why do things escape me. I try to be eloquent and thoughtful. I am clumsy and forgetful. I try to be quiet and sweet. I am harsh and loud. I often feel like many of my goals slip through my fingers, that I am unable to attain what I really desire. Like everything I want is always going to be tomorrow. Tomorrow Things will be better... Eternally optimistic.
I often feel like I'm at war in my own head. Between the person I am and the person I want to be/should be. It has been a source of many problems. There is always a little voice telling me I'm not good enough. That I am a failure. At anything. At everything. I do my best each day to ignore it. Some days though.... it leaks through. it floods my mind. This little voice tells me that I'd be much better of dead, twisting in and out wtih some sort of bitter logic explaining I'd stop hurting people if I could just stop everything. My own logic screams out that I would hurt so many people by dying. And then I cry because I didn't have the guts to do it years ago.
I find myself unable to speak these words. They are fought back into my throat by the idea of going on medication. I don't want it. I don't want to be that person. The person that I was. I am afraid of saying the things that are in my head, because by speaking them-- I make them real. No one knows I'm a little bit crazy unless I tell them.
But not saying anything makes me a bit more crazy. I feel like a liar. I'm lying to everyone about how good I am, and all that I hear in my head is how I'm bad bad bad. Maybe I'm a little bit sick in the sense that I don't want to get better. I do want to be rid of the voice. The little naggy voice that I hear. I don't want to take a pill to get rid of it. I just wish I were ... normal-er.
I also wish it were breaktime... and that budget cuts hadn't gotten rid of our tissues. :P
Derringer Meryl [open] Out
2008-04-15 - 4:49 p.m. I will possess I have to favorite songs. I love them both. It's between Pennywise's Western World and Death Cab for Cutie's I will possess your heart I love them both. Though for eloquence and creepiness, I'll have to go with Death Cab for Cutie.
How I wish you could see the potential, the potential of you and me It's like a book elegantly bound, but in a language that you can't read - just yet You gotta spend some time--love, you gotta spend some time with me And I know that you'll find--love, I will possess your heart (x2)
There are days when outside your window, I see my reflection as I slowly pass And I long for this mirrored perspective, when we'll be lovers, lovers at last You gotta spend some time--love, you gotta spend some time with me And I know that you'll find--love, I will possess your heart(x2)
I will possess your heart (x2)
You reject my advances and desperate pleas I won't let you, let me down so easily, so easily
You gotta spend some time--love, you gotta spend some time with me And I know that you'll find--love, I will possess your heart (x3)
I will possess your heart (x2)
You can't tell me that' isn't a little creepy. Just a little. I'd do just about anything to write that pretty though. The imagry and turn of phrase... is so beautiful, but not over showy. It's a dove, not a peacock. eh?
Things are going well down here. IT looks as though we might maybe, possibly be moving. which thrills me :) To AF, which will be nice. I am so thrilled. We just need to get some info to the Loan people and tell our real estate person some stuff... gotta get in gear. we're almost there!
Katie has been doing well, standing up more, though if she's feeling lazy she will just fall down on purpose. which is disheartening. :P The snow persists down here. I wish it wouldn't. Why doesn't it just go on Vacation for a while, We'll welcome it back in just a few short months, well we would if it would just go the heck away already! We all like the idea of a white christmas, not a white Earth day. And where the hell is this global warming we've all been in a tizzy about? It certainly skipped here, that's for sure!
anyway. Once we get our pics of the house, we'll put them up. Scott took them, but we haven't uploaded them yet. :)
Derringer Meryl [so easily] Out
2008-04-14 - 1:43 p.m. shuffle off to buffalo 1. Name one person who made you laugh last night? last night? Eryn probably, or the writers of The Office :) 2. What were you doing at 0800? Being crawled on by an angry Katie 3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago? Reading XXXholic. It's addicting. No it's not porn. 4. What happened to you in 2006? Lets see, I played WOW that year, I was thinking about having a baby (and then i got pregnant :D) Oh, we bought our condo that year too. 5. What was the last thing you said out loud? Something to a customer probably. 6. How many beverages did you have today? 0, which is why I have such problems with dehydration. I don't like being hydrated. I am bad at drinking. 7. What color is your hairbrush? blue. 8. What was the last thing you paid for? Slurpee's 9. Where were you last night? Boxing up crap in our house so we can store it at my Mother in Law's house until we move. :) Gotta make our space look spacious! 10. What color is your front door? White. 11. Where do you keep your change? Change? what change, it's all plastic around here. 12. What’s the weather like today? Sunny. Warm. It's nice. 13. What’s the best ice-cream flavor? I love cake batter. Cookie dough, and while you'd think I'd say chocolate, I feel my teeth ache when I eat it. So mostly vanilla flavors. 14. What excites you? Katie's upcoming birthday, and using this saturday to practice the cake, and to buy party supplies! 15. Do you want to cut your hair? I have the hankering on and off to. I figure there isn't SO much that's pretty about me that I should chop my pretty hair off. It's pretty much all I've got going for me. :) 16. Are you over the age of 25? No but that will change eventually. Hopefully I'll have my second baby by then. :) 17. Do you talk a lot? Depends on who to, and about what. 18. Do you watch the O.C.? No. Never really got into watching shows about people prettier than me. 19. Do you know anyone named Steven? Yes 20. Do you make up your own words? Often, and my own songs. 21. Are you a jealous person? Yes. Deeply. 22. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘A’. Amy 23. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘K’. Karla! :D 24. Who’s the first person on your received call list? Lorna or My Realtor, I don't have my phone with me. :) 25. What does the last text message you received say? I don't text. 26. Do you chew on your straw? Pretty much always. 27. Do you have curly hair? Yes Very. 28. Where’s the next place you’re going to? Home for lunch 29. Who’s the rudest person in your life? No one really. I think everyone can be a bit rude sometimes. What's the point of dwelling on it. It just makes you feel awful. 30. What was the last thing you ate? Uh. sandwich last night before I watched the office. 31. Will you get married in the future? no, Once is enough. 32. What’s the best movie you’ve seen in the past 2 weeks? 21 was pretty awesome. 33. Is there anyone you like right now? I think you mean LIKE and in that case, my husband :D 34. When was the last time you did the dishes? Uh, sometime last week, though James cleaned the dishwasher out, so I can load it again 35.Are you currently depressed? Define "Depressed"? Am I currently sad no? Have I had intense manic/depressive type 36. Did you cry today? Not today. 37. Why did you answer and post this? for fun. I like these things. 38. Tag 5 people who would do this survey. If you're reading this and HAVE a blog (and haven't done this meme yet) go for it.
2008-04-10 - 10:50 a.m. all you need is love I just got this via email from Red. I really liked it, and I wanted to post it here....
There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.
The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.
Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.
The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out.
It won't matter how many times you say "I'm sorry", the wound is still there. A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one.
Please forgive me if I have ever left a hole.
I have added emphasis where I felt it was needed. I cannot say or speak of how many times I have spoken out of anger. It is a weakness of mine, and I know it. I work hard to be mindful of the things i say-- however I would be a complete liar if I said it never happened. It does happen. I am sorry. I wish It didn't.
I reiterate, please forgive me if I have ever left a hole. Verbal barbs are certainly the sharpest, and most hurtful thing. Healing skin and bones seems so simple but healing a relationship, a broken heart, a lost friendship.... there is no salve for these.
Derringer Meryl [National Friendship Week, Spread the Love] Out
2008-04-09 - 10:35 a.m. hot hot brown ZOMG! So I'm flipping through Thanksgiving Point's Menu's and what do I find but a dish I've been dying to try since I saw it on the Food Network (Thank you Bobby Flay!) a Kentucky Hot Brown I'm soo excited. I want to go try it. Maybe one of these Saturdays... Maybe I'll make Scott take me there for anniversary lunch!
They have like 5 other things I'd like to try for Lunch too, but the Hot Brown has caught my eye. YUM!
Derringer Meryl [yum, hot brown] out
2008-04-03 - 1:18 p.m. in the sheets I wish I could fly From this building, from this wall And if I should try, Would you catch me if I fall?
I have been delving into some lesser known BNL via you tube. If I could get a great present for myself it would be every BNL cd ever made. I guess I already have two.. But I would just sit and listen to them at work. Though i've found that listening to BNL is a bit like listening to too much The Cure in the sense that you become depressed.
Though in BNL's case it's because It's depressing to look in a mirror of your emotions. It's poignant.
I have been spending my day toggling between two forums, youtube, a beautiful baby contest a friend of mine entered their baby in, BNL lyrics, and of course, work ;)
We still haven't gotten our money for the car accident. I would say I'm surprised it's taking so long, but deep down, I'm really not. If those TV commercials are any proof, it's quite normal not to get money back for a while. Though they did say the check was in the mail... HAHA. Yeah right. As a former postal worker, there is no where in the united states that could take longer than a week to get to us. I guess they have a day left. Their "Are you going to submit a claim" mail took two days to get to us. I hope they don't try to start a problem getting this paid out. I was parked (DUH) legally, so there is no way in Hell this is my fault.
It'd be nice if it could get here. I'd like to drive a rental car already. Maybe that's what's taking time, the rental car? Oh well.
I'm about to rock a boat that is quite... unusual? I'm sure I'll shock my family as well! I've been considering... yes here I go! Home Schooling Katie. Scott had a very POOR experience with School, and I feel like the Utah County School system is... weird. No offense to anyone down here or anything-- but The lack of perspective is ... shocking.
It's a few years off, so we do have some time to decide, and Scott and I are still thinking. :) But I have done research on the law, and you don't have to have any teaching certification, though I see going to more college and learning as a goal for Scott and I simply so that we can gain more knowledge to pass on to our kids. There are two options for the state of Utah, Either to send an affidavit once a year to the School district declaring and promising to teach your kid real good (ahahah, real good.) OR you can join with other home teaching families and declare yourself a private school!
Also the Utah legislature is working on making it so you can have your kids join in any extra curricular activities that the school might have going on. So like if they are Middle school grade, they can join the soccer team, or the drama club, all that fun stuff. :) I think it's good. I hope it passes.
Most families have the mom be the teacher, a lot of the websites i've visited, most of them refer to the mom as the teacher. I think my kids would be up a creek w/o a paddle if I were to teach them alone, that's for sure. But Scott completely supports the idea and would help me teach as well.
And no, I'm not having a passel of kids to teach at home. I'm sticking firm to 3, and will watch Jon and Kate plus 8 if I ever get ideas of more than 3. *shakes her head* The kids are adorable, and I think they are so special, but I don't think I can handle too many. In addition, Home schooling would allow for the music lessons that Scott and I want so dearly. Not only our kids would be able to learn how to read music (which i can kind of do, I'm no good at sight reading.) they could also learn how to play piano, guitar, flute, violin, whatever they want. Scott says if Katie (or any of her siblings) would rather have vocal training, then that's the way we'll go :)
Katie is doing well. We think that she might think that she's a cat. She meows constantly and tries to eat cat food. LOL. She's a silly girl. She can nod yes now (did I mention this already?) and does it appropriately. It's nice!
She loves her veggies and eats jsut about everything. She tried avacado, and likes it! :)
It's time for lunch.
Derringer Meryl [down to sleep] Out
2008-04-01 - 6:30 p.m. fools day Hello April.
How, in every visible way, you shine As if the stars in your wake align Almost impossible to malign
But just below where you shine, you burn Although I know it, I never learn Just goes to show that I can't discern
CHORUS: Aluminum to me Aluminium to some You can shine like silver all you want But you're just Aluminum
Illuminating just what you want to show You'd never rust, but I'd never know You can't be trusted, I can't let go
Aluminum to me Aluminium to some You can shine like silver all you want But you're just Aluminum
Every time you're here, I forget When you leave, you leave only regret Every time you're here, I forget Everything
You're so lightweight, how can you survive? Recycling moments from others' lives You're not as precious as you contrive
Aluminum to me Aluminium to some You can shine like silver all you want But you're just Aluminum
